Fear and Love in Relationship
I have the type of profession which implies relaxation, healthy living and spiritual connection. And, I do have a fascination with all of those. I explore, study and discuss all aspects of what I like to call, "cultural medicine" or living in a more natural way. This includes how we work on a mental, physical, emotional, energetic and spiritual level. Recently, I've been exploring the topic of happy relationships. It doesn't matter whether it's with oneself, another or a situation, the basics are usually the same.
Surprisingly, I believe the first step towards a happy relationship is nutrition and healthy living. If you don't feel good, it's hard to be nice and see the world in a more balanced way. Most people forget how important basic healthy choices contribute to happiness. Most of my conversations though, revolve around the idea that relationships are complex arrangements and a happy relationship has less to do with being happy and more to do with whether both people are willing to keep showing up.
Many traditions teach that we are all living the same human experience. There is no better, or worse for that matter. There is the experience you want and the experience you don't want, however most times, you can't have one without the other. This is true with relationships as well. You can't feel happiness without eventually feeling sadness, you can't feel love without loss or security without fear. They are interconnected and can't be separated.
People are like all living systems, if they don't move and change they get sick and die. So, you have to have a measure of everything in life. The further you go in one direction, lets say feeling happiness, the further you will go in another or the more sadness you will feel. So, if I want to feel love, I also need to feel loss. And what life is worth living without love? Many times, to me, depression comes from a shutting down of emotions. The anxiety of feeling the uncomfortable feelings of life and so the inability to feel the good things in life. From there, we usually make choices that make it more physically difficult to feel good again. Once again the importance of nutrition and healthy living.
Happy relationships are those that accept their inevitable unhappiness. And when we feel the unhappiness, we recognize it as the natural ebb and flow of life instead of allowing our emotions to place blame on ourselves or others. When we DO place blame on others or feel blamed (and who doesn't at times) we recognize it as a normal part of being human and treat it with a measure of reasonableness and compassion. The only question you really need to ask is, "How is it working for you?"
Surprisingly, I believe the first step towards a happy relationship is nutrition and healthy living. If you don't feel good, it's hard to be nice and see the world in a more balanced way. Most people forget how important basic healthy choices contribute to happiness. Most of my conversations though, revolve around the idea that relationships are complex arrangements and a happy relationship has less to do with being happy and more to do with whether both people are willing to keep showing up.
Many traditions teach that we are all living the same human experience. There is no better, or worse for that matter. There is the experience you want and the experience you don't want, however most times, you can't have one without the other. This is true with relationships as well. You can't feel happiness without eventually feeling sadness, you can't feel love without loss or security without fear. They are interconnected and can't be separated.
People are like all living systems, if they don't move and change they get sick and die. So, you have to have a measure of everything in life. The further you go in one direction, lets say feeling happiness, the further you will go in another or the more sadness you will feel. So, if I want to feel love, I also need to feel loss. And what life is worth living without love? Many times, to me, depression comes from a shutting down of emotions. The anxiety of feeling the uncomfortable feelings of life and so the inability to feel the good things in life. From there, we usually make choices that make it more physically difficult to feel good again. Once again the importance of nutrition and healthy living.
Happy relationships are those that accept their inevitable unhappiness. And when we feel the unhappiness, we recognize it as the natural ebb and flow of life instead of allowing our emotions to place blame on ourselves or others. When we DO place blame on others or feel blamed (and who doesn't at times) we recognize it as a normal part of being human and treat it with a measure of reasonableness and compassion. The only question you really need to ask is, "How is it working for you?"
posted by Unknown at
11:04 AM
2 Comments:
Very appropriate for winter days without sunshine. It is a continual reminder of the extended version of the serenity prayer which includes the lines:
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace
...and...
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
A great reminder that happiness is a journey, not a goal to be achieved.
Great thoughts Rita!
We certainly do seem to bring a lot of needs to this planet, don't we? Relationship needs, needs for peace, physical needs for food and physical touching, a need to be heard and a need to hear, the Maslovian hierarchy of needs, and the need to need. My goodness, what a collection of baggage we have when first we are dropped out of the womb and onto planet earth.
Why is it there is a spectrum of emotions ranging from despair and depression to happiness and hope?
Why do we face an elongated struggle through the innocence of childhood, the questioning of adolescence, the work of adulthood and then, finally, the grand finale of death? Some of us don't even complete the cycle and die at a young age.
There's so much "business" to attend to in life.
Relationships are spread along a spectrum from casual to warm to intimate. Why is there intimacy? Is it because we can totally trust only a very few people?
Maybe relationships are the roller coaster you describe, connection and disconnection, love and loss, happiness and unhappiness.
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