Making A Course Correction
It's a big world. It's very, very complicated. In a world of riots and ipads and debt problems, we as people still search for the key to peace and happiness. There are a lot of opinions out there about "the answer" and I thought I would throw in my two cents.
I'm discovering peace and happiness in a very unusual way- accepting that I'm a bad person. I'll never "give my all" or "live up to my potential". I can be lazy, thoughtless, careless and insensitive or oversensitive depending on the situation. This awareness isn't a mid-life crises, rather a mid-life awakening.
The typical response to "I'm a bad person" is "Oh, of course you're a good person!" even as I recall that I ate a donut and blew off my sister yesterday. Most people seem to view this self-acceptance as self-resignation or pride. Uh-Oh, maybe she needs anti-depressants or a reality check. In actuality, I'm becoming happier, more fulfilled, healthier and more accomplished. Who knew? Why?
Psychologists say that as women get older, they become more entrepreneurial and men become more altruistic. A natural progression from youth to adult to elder as we switch roles. Whether "nature" or "nurture" my own life reflects it. I'm becoming everything I judge harshly and my partner everything I covet. Weird. And disconcerting. This inner conflict causes all sorts of physical and psychological problems until we make sense of it.
What if we accept these life stages, these different points of view, as natural, valid and important? Without judgementalism? Being masculine or feminine, entrepreneurial or altruistic as a temporary way of seeing the world. For myself, I'm accepting I will never be entrepreneurial enough or altruistic enough to fit in the universally accepted "Good" or "Successful Person Box". Mutually exclusive by today's standards.
The world trains us to believe certain things about life. Usually by our twenty something parents who don't know any better or an establishment designed to keep us paying taxes, buying things and working ourselves into an early grave. As George Carlin says, "The American Dream". We spend a lot of time striving to be good parents, partners, children, workers, citizens, community members etc and the results reflect in the world events. Trying to be good people and then feeling guilty or self-righteous when we're not doesn't seem to work very well. It seems like the people who cheerfully accept that they'll never be good enough appear nicer and smarter than those who fight it. At least, that's how I'm feeling- nicer, smarter and more balanced, successful and compassionate.
I'm embracing that I am a bad person who does nice things. I'm finding it easier than pretending that I'm a good person who can't stop doing bad things or believing I'm a bad person who never does nice things or a guilty person seeking redemption. I do all sorts of bad and unprofessional things like sleep in late, ignore a phone call or have a grumpy day. I believe that we hold ourselves and others to unachievable standards. As the counselors say, "accepting the dark side" as a natural part of human nature brings me more success and wellness than fighting it.
As I sit here, I'm reminded of a Star Wars quote- "Don't try, do". What if, that sentence reflects a universal truth? Without the pressure of trying to be a good person, we become better and better people.
I'm discovering peace and happiness in a very unusual way- accepting that I'm a bad person. I'll never "give my all" or "live up to my potential". I can be lazy, thoughtless, careless and insensitive or oversensitive depending on the situation. This awareness isn't a mid-life crises, rather a mid-life awakening.
The typical response to "I'm a bad person" is "Oh, of course you're a good person!" even as I recall that I ate a donut and blew off my sister yesterday. Most people seem to view this self-acceptance as self-resignation or pride. Uh-Oh, maybe she needs anti-depressants or a reality check. In actuality, I'm becoming happier, more fulfilled, healthier and more accomplished. Who knew? Why?
Psychologists say that as women get older, they become more entrepreneurial and men become more altruistic. A natural progression from youth to adult to elder as we switch roles. Whether "nature" or "nurture" my own life reflects it. I'm becoming everything I judge harshly and my partner everything I covet. Weird. And disconcerting. This inner conflict causes all sorts of physical and psychological problems until we make sense of it.
What if we accept these life stages, these different points of view, as natural, valid and important? Without judgementalism? Being masculine or feminine, entrepreneurial or altruistic as a temporary way of seeing the world. For myself, I'm accepting I will never be entrepreneurial enough or altruistic enough to fit in the universally accepted "Good" or "Successful Person Box". Mutually exclusive by today's standards.
The world trains us to believe certain things about life. Usually by our twenty something parents who don't know any better or an establishment designed to keep us paying taxes, buying things and working ourselves into an early grave. As George Carlin says, "The American Dream". We spend a lot of time striving to be good parents, partners, children, workers, citizens, community members etc and the results reflect in the world events. Trying to be good people and then feeling guilty or self-righteous when we're not doesn't seem to work very well. It seems like the people who cheerfully accept that they'll never be good enough appear nicer and smarter than those who fight it. At least, that's how I'm feeling- nicer, smarter and more balanced, successful and compassionate.
I'm embracing that I am a bad person who does nice things. I'm finding it easier than pretending that I'm a good person who can't stop doing bad things or believing I'm a bad person who never does nice things or a guilty person seeking redemption. I do all sorts of bad and unprofessional things like sleep in late, ignore a phone call or have a grumpy day. I believe that we hold ourselves and others to unachievable standards. As the counselors say, "accepting the dark side" as a natural part of human nature brings me more success and wellness than fighting it.
As I sit here, I'm reminded of a Star Wars quote- "Don't try, do". What if, that sentence reflects a universal truth? Without the pressure of trying to be a good person, we become better and better people.
posted by Unknown at
12:55 PM
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