Healthy Relationships, Healthy Body

People come to me in stress, pain and illness. I help them feel and live better. It's a great career.

I have a phrase, "people are needy because they aren't getting what they need". When our body hurts and we're sick- we're needy. When we feel or behave irritably, arrogantly and unreasonably- we're needy. We need something and people call me to inspire it. What most people need, are healthy relationships.

In healthy relationships, we sincerely care for someone and they sincerely care for us. Beyond that, we trust one another and openly share our inner lives. We both take time to understand, pay attention and encourage. We both dig deep for patience, compassion and respect. We both show up to the relationship and take turns leading the way.

So, how do we find healthy relationships? Are they a pipe dream meant for other people? First off, an exercise. Ask yourself two questions and write down the words that come up.

What is romantic love?

What is love? 

Are the answers the same or different? Do you avoid "love" because it feels like "romantic love"? Hold back feeling love because you're waiting for or afraid of romantic love? Save your love for romantic partners or when it's "safe" like with children, the elderly or with someone also guarded in love? Hide your expressions of love because it looks like romantic love? Use love as a reward or deny it as a punishment? Believe love is impractical, unreasonable and limited? Save your love until circumstances or people inspire it?

To create a healthy and meaningful relationships, you must first let yourself love. Love anything or anyone at all- a tree, a rock, chocolate, a cigarette, whiskey, a Playboy Playmate, Brad Pitt... Do nothing but sit in your desk chair and let yourself love. If you need a trigger, recall a memory or a person that inspires love in you. If you can't recall pure love, then mantra "I love you" in your head. 

Here's what happens:

1. Your body releases chemicals that relieve pain and discomfort.

2. Your immune system perks up.

3. Your muscles relax.

4. Your circulation increases.

5. Others sense your love and respond favorably.

6. Verbal and non-verbal communication flows.

7. Others become helpful and flexible, respectful and compassionate.

8. You make healthier life choices: physically, mentally, emotionally.

9. You get the support you need to feel good, live well and help you up when you fall.

Don't take my word for it, experiment with it in the grocery store, post office, your job. Try it on your partners, your kids, your co-workers. At first, they may wonder what you're up to; love is disarming. It may take a little while but you get good at seeing the subtleties of healthy relationships.  Love is a state of mind that creates health and well-being- body, mind, spirit. We're not only meant for isolation, always alone in our journey. A healthy life needs security and freedom, connection and detachment and sincere love for all parts of ourselves and others.

Choose to be in love and feel healthier, heal yourself (and others) and watch the magic happen.