Focus on What You Want, Get What You Desire

Rewarded by a Great View

We work, pray, storyboard and just can’t grasp our dreams…the ideal job, spouse, children, life. What are your dreams? Do you push forward, at times feeling depressed and frustrated that you aren’t any closer to them…only to gracefully recognize you’re living your deeper fantasies of love, freedom, security, independence…?

What’s the old adage? When you stop looking, love appears? Not just in love, but in all sorts of things…Life seems to happen while we’re busy cutting the grass. The ubiquitous “They” rarely mention how to stop looking for what seems important- probably because “They” (read “We”) don’t know. Instead, “They/We” pontificate or jump to the law of attraction; if you obsess and have an “attitude of gratitude”, money falls from the sky. Joking…joking….   

At times, we all feel judgemental towards complaints, excuses, hippy-dippy fantasies or pride- we high-mindedly say the insensitive, thoughtless, selfish people think they’re entitled, are spoiled and should bare minimum, appreciate the largesse  (taxpayers, spouse, family) give them. Who doesn’t occasionally believe that about younger generations, other cultures, other sexes and whatever entitlement we ourselves don’t want/can’t have? And yet, isn’t that something we all do? Disregard, get distracted, rationalize…then feel guilty or misunderstood when it’s pointed out?

How many of us threatened or worse, lost something/one important through under-appreciation? Did we get busy? Feel justified? Forget? We’ve lost jobs, long-term relationships, time as well as the benefits of a paycheck, human connection, freedom. I believe the term is, “throw the baby out with the bathwater”; we’ve all lost dreams and opportunities. Haven’t we??

New age methods stress focusing on goals while older work ethics stress working for them. In the world we live…these simple panaceas forget an important element of success. Before age 6, we lock in our caretakers' values and expectations. Until mid-20’s, we interpret life through an immature mind. As we age, these patterns remain, carve deeper and if left unchecked, show up in our lives, our health, our children, our jobs, our relationships…We inherit more than DNA and furniture. How do you know what you deeply want and believe? Look at your life. Not only the symbols…the reality. If being financially rich depended on hard work and ingenuity, the women of Africa should be billionaires.

We chide people who desire something different in their life with the phrase “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” Gently shaking our heads as if to say, “we would never do that!” or frustrated with ourselves because we’ve lost something valuable “why can’t we just appreciate what we have?!” We get so focused on achieving goals, creating something amazing, we don’t pay attention to what we’re really creating, so focused on the symbols of success that we miss the reality of our success.

Here’s another point of view. In many circumstances, focusing on something else, is the perfect way to get what we want. When we also routinely remember to recognize and appreciate, the process work perfectly! The yearning, the striving the disappointment of NOT getting the SYMBOL of what we want, keeps us distracted and out of the way of manifesting what we REALLY want. How many people, after a long life, look back- realizing that they had a really good life, despite the so-called disappointments, failures and mistakes?

I keep emotionally complicated relationships and symbols in my life (job, friendships, the White Sox) as effective distractions- the striving for growth, the desire for closeness, the competitive spirit keeps me distracted enough to create a nice marriage. When we focus on something that doesn’t really matter, we usually manifest what matters most. Think long term, not necessarily in an hour. Consequently, our lives may look like disappointments, mistakes, failures…until we gracefully recognize the perfection. 

So, are you busy achieving, accomplishing, striving for the symbol of what you want; simultaneously creating the  freedom and connection you desire? Cool!