How To Change Your Karma

Courtesy of Van Archiquette

Do you ever felt like you, or someone you love, is having a bad karma day? When difficult things happen and we have no idea why? It's as if bad karma is well-deserved bad luck. I know a number of jerks I've cheerfully smiled upon, hoping for karmic vengeance. Or, been kind and "Anonymous" trusting that I gained karma points. It's like a weird fantasy football Hindu, points system thing. Or, at least that's what I thought.

According to Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, a Hindu spiritual leader, Karma is Action and has three distinct aspects: Latent Action, the Action itself and the Impression the action makes on reality. In the same way that seeds sprout at different rates, so does karma. That's why it seems so mysterious, the time between thought, action and consequence aren't always immediate and so we miss the connection. You get rid of bad karma by washing it away with good karma. Sounds simple enough.

But, why does it seem that "mean" people have a lot of success? Why do nice guys finish last? There are a lot of questions about karma, actually, when you stop and think about it. How many times have you had the best intentions blow up in your face? Yeah, me too.

Here's another question, just to get you thinking. How does it become so difficult deciding what the good or bad Action is? When I was born, I didn't think, "you know, I'm going to be a bad person". Very few of us want to be "bad" people. We get stuck doing "bad" things for "good" reasons. At the time, with the information we had, filtered through our own fears and judgementalisms, we did the best we knew how. It's only later that we better understand the deeper impact of our actions, or karma.

Generally speaking, karma isn't mysterious. The secret to changing your karma is 1. realizing that all actions have benefits and drawbacks. You get to decide whether the risks or drawbacks are worth the reward. 2. Through experience and self-reflection, recognizing the usual outcome of your thoughts and actions in different situations. 3.  Realizing that it's a really big reality and there's always more to learn.  4. Accepting that even unconscious thoughts and beliefs are karma. 5. Making your invisible thoughts visible.  As my mentor says, you have to "follow it back"- meaning you should follow every thought/emotion/reaction back to it's source, either a direct memory or a belief handed down generation to generation.

How do you make invisible thoughts visible? You're doing it all the time. Our lives, friendships, frustrations all reflect our beliefs. Our thoughts about or how we treat homeless people, Republicans or Democrats, men or women, tall people or short people etc etc. When we come face to face with something, especially something that makes us mad, it reflects our own discrimination, bigotry, entitlement, fears, narrow mindedness AND inherent greatness. If you want to find our what your deepest beliefs are, keep meeting new people and having new experiences.

When we get angry, sad, frustrated, joyful, calm, curious, whatever, about something, it tells us what we believe about ourselves and other people. I love listening to people rant or give me advice, because they tell on themselves. They show me their deepest fears, secrets and conflicts. I know they must have an intimate knowledge of something and judgementalism about it, in order to hold such a strong opinion.

So, do I believe in "good" karma and "bad" karma? I believe there's uncomfortable and comfortable karma. I believe that reality changes depending upon our point of view. I believe that it's a complicated world and we are all doing the best we know how. And, I believe the best way to understand myself is to watch my life unfold in front of me. The more I learn about myself and my fellow human beings, the more enjoyable my life becomes.

Secrets Of Fall Arthritis Part III

As fall shows it's many faces, I'm reminded to take care. Part I in this series talked about fall arthritis causes. Part II discussed mindful standing, minimizing pain and stiffness. Today, I'll discuss preventing everyday discomforts through mindful sitting and walking.

Why? Avoid future problems by managing and preventing normal aches and pains. Most of us don't fear our own death, rather, we fear suffering, loss of mobility and health care costs. Learning mindful moving lets you manage pain and injury before your body hurts.

We all tend to sit for long periods, disconnected from our body. We ignore small aches and pains until they cause problems- it feels more efficient, doesn't it?  Actually, it's easy to ingrain good sitting habits, letting you focus longer with energy to spare. Here's what I learned, my best tips from long distance driving- although it works for tv watching and internet surfing too.

If you remember, stiffness and pain correlate to sedentary habits. The solution: Get more familiar with your signs of muscle fatigue. When you notice tension and fatigue, change to a new position. Raise or lower your seat back, change the cross of your legs, add or remove a pillow from behind your back. Small movements make huge differences on whether and how much you suffer later.

Overuse creates inflammation and pain. When you start to notice a little stiffness, it's time for action. Rotate your leg into a different position, sit on or remove a pillow, bend or straighten your legs. All of these change how you're using your body and relieves uncomfortable pressure points.

What about walking? Walking expresses your state of mind and habitual patterns and vice-versa. I notice my walking patterns when I walk down my hallway. You want a roll in your pelvis, a lightness, your feet rolling smoothly from back to front, landing perpendicular to your body. Your body by design, flows, balances itself, carries itself and lifts you up and out. If not, what parts of your pelvis, shoulders, head, feet do you need to adjust? Experiment. What happens when you accentuate your pelvic roll, think angry thoughts, think happy thoughts, think sad thoughts, walk with duck feet, overpronate, underpronate. Get good at recognizing how your thoughts change how you move and how walking involves your whole body.

Even after a lifetime of patterning, with mindfulness, your body recreates and heals itself.  Your muscles lengthen and strengthen, your nervous system pays attention and shifts seamlessly, your system whisks away blockages and heals micro-injuries, you control your mood by changing how you walk and sit. When you move mindfully, age and disease don't victimize you; rather, you co-create your physical reality and discover your possibilities.

'Til Death Do Us Part?

Are some of your relationships one, never-ending argument? Are you just "making the best of it?" Hmmm.... Here are a few things to think about.

Mexico City plans on instituting 2 yr. marriage licenses because most marriages dissolve within 2 yrs. After 2 yrs., the marriage ends amicably, you renew or you apply for a longer license.

Last week, an Iowa couple, married 72 years, passed away within an hour of one another. Their son said that they fought, they didn't always like each other, however they loved one another, stayed together and didn't want to be apart.

I have a close friend considering divorce. She feels she deserves happiness and doesn't want to end up trapped in an unfulfilling marriage like older generations did.

I'm currently working with a male client who recently gotten divorced. He enjoys his freedom however misses companionship. I have another male friend who looks forward to Halloween because he has freedom after another short term relationship and doesn't really want a girlfriend but misses the sex.

What's going on? I thought back to my own wedding vows (we just hit 10 years and have been together 19) and reflected on what we said. Through better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health, long as we both shall live. This is a promise before God. Etc. Most everyone says something similar and I asked myself, "when did all of that stop being important in our society? How did we confuse the purpose of marriage with lifelong happiness and marital bliss? When did we start believing our spouse or partner needed to fit a narrow ideal of love?

I'm not an advocate of marriage, or divorce for that matter. Research and on-the-street surveys will tell you though that most marriages stay together through choice, not because they're great relationships. For those couples, the benefits of staying outweigh the drawbacks of leaving including guilt, less income, religious beliefs and fear of being alone.

For me, however, the benefits of marriage go much deeper than only having someone to go to the movies with or as an additional tax break. I believe marriage, by design challenges us so we grow and learn more about being a human being. It challenges us to make peace with and love ourselves, resulting in peace and love for others. We vow to stick together through the disagreements, the drinking, the affairs, the lack of affection, the role switching, the different beliefs, the pettiness, the manipulation, the different needs... We agree that even when it gets bad, we'll keep showing up, in spirit if not in physical reality, wanting to keep an open mind, wanting to see a different point of view and recognizing and making peace with our own deeper beliefs- ultimately the source of our happiness or unhappiness.

What about when someone feels they've understood, supported, cared and they've only gotten used and abused? When I say understanding, I don't mean rolling over and playing dead. Instead, I mean understanding that we all have the same emotions and basic motivations and then deciding how we'd like to handle our different methods of expressing them. Everyone gets angry, it's no big deal. And, unless you clearly tell someone to stop their behavior through your words or actions, most of us continue to do them because it's very hard to tap into another person's experience when we are having our own. Even when we tell someone to stop, change takes time. To one degree or another, everyone feels uncomfortable when they hurt the ones they love, and, to feel better, will defend themselves, argue, bring out guilt etc until they distance themselves. If you're compassionate and patient with the natural process of conflict and change, you'll see miraculous healings.

I agree that sometimes we need to start over. We made very poor spousal choices and our partner doesn't really want to create a fulfilling relationship.  I'm certainly not telling anyone the right or wrong choice for them. I am saying though, that marriage, by design, is bigger than happiness. It's supposed to make you miserable at times so you can reflect on yourself, your beliefs and habits. It's supposed to scare you enough to decide to own up to your own humanity and be okay with other people's humanity. It's supposed to make you angry enough to stand up for yourself, set boundaries, face fears and get comfortable with the edgier sides of being human. Bored enough so you create a wider community, develop new interests and discover who YOU are when you're not part of a couple.  Marriage, and all relationships, inspire personal growth.

So why bother? If marriage creates such conflict, why would anyone even consider getting married in the first place? Because true, deep, thrilling happiness appears as a side effect to loving yourself. You only know who you are when you come up against someone who, you believe, isn't you. The resulting conflict usually shows us our similarities, on one level or another, to the person we hate. We have the exact same quality, only different, of the person we most dislike. We also mirror the exact same qualities as everyone we love and admire. We all know frustration, losing control, behaving badly, taking advantage, forgetting ourselves, giggling like a little girl, feeling vulnerable, loving, achieving: the common human experience. Finding understanding and having patience with the relationship process, begets true love and happiness. The Moody Blues sang it quite well...."And when you stop and think about it, You won't believe it's true, That all the love you've been giving, Has all been meant for you..."

The Secrets of Fall Arthritis Part II

In the last newsletter, I wrote about some seasonal causes of pain and stiffness. As the weather turns from warm to cool to cold our bodies work hard to adapt. Today, we'll explore the easiest solution for this natural shift, mindful movement.

Most pain, at it's core, is influenced by movement. Our bodies are alive and life moves. In Chinese Medicine, life force is known as Chi. It is the movement of our blood, electrical signals, energy. Blocked and stagnant Chi results in pain and stiffness- sometimes diagnosed as arthritis.

Mindful movement, at it’s core, pays attention to your body and how you move through space and time. It starts with a few questions. I, myself, dislike answering body/mind questions- when I intellectualize pain, I get overwhelmed by all the "possible/probable" answers. So instead, I ask the questions and let the answers come to me over the course of a day, week or month.

1. When did the pain start?

2. What do you think caused it?

3. What have you done in the past?

4. What healthy habits helped?

5. What makes it worse?

Noticing your body mechanics is an easy way to start. Paying attention to how you stand, walk and sit when you are going throughout your day lets you make adjustments, keeping you pain free. Let's start with how you stand. I notice my standing mechanics best when I’m showering or standing in line at the store.

Notice where you feel the most pressure on the bottom of your feet. Experiment with how you shift your weight, noticing how it effects your posture and areas of tension/relaxation. Your weight should be relatively balanced, using your whole foot to support your weight. If it’s not, and it feels unbalanced to do so, try shifting other parts of your body like your pelvis, shoulders and head until you feel like your weight is evenly on both feet and evenly across your foot. 

Next, notice the angle of your feet. Are they parallel? If they aren’t, what do you need to change so they are? Pay specific attention to how your leg fits into the hip socket. If your feet aren't parallel, lift your hip up, rotate your leg in it's socket and mindfully place your foot parallel onto the floor. You might feel some stretching in your hip when you do this.

Lastly, try different positionings of your pelvis, shoulders, neck, arms, hands, etc. Noticing how every stance effects your whole structure. Ideally, the feet, knees, hips, shoulders and head are lined up. You'll notice this best while standing sideways in front of a mirror. If you aren't properly aligned, try adjusting until you are and if you feel off balance, keep adjusting your pelvis, where the weight falls on your feet, the position of your head, etc until you feel balanced again. You might feel awkward at first because you aren't used to this new position, however, the more you do it, the more comfortable and pain free you'll become.

Next newsletter, I'll discuss what to pay attention to while walking and sitting. Until then, happy standing.

Fish Oil Decreases Anxiety and Inflammation

Fish Oil has become one of the newest "old" remedies around. New research from Ohio State University shows that fish oil decreases anxiety and inflammation, even in young, healthy medical students. For those in the know, it's thrilling when current research supports ancient cultural practices and diets.

When I first heard about chronic inflammation 5 years ago, I asked, "so what?" Since then, medical research has shown what cultural medicines understand; low level chronic inflammation, connected to both state of mind and diet, links to almost all pain and disease. Chronic inflammation not only depletes our body’s resources, undermining health, but also inhibits healing chemicals like oxytocin, the same ones responsible for emotional well-being. Low level inflammation increases arthritis, heart disease, cancer, inhibits clear thinking and contributes to headaches and Crohn's, to name a few.

By ignoring inflammation’s contribution to disease, we rely upon expensive pharmaceuticals with dangerous side effects. Natural for acute injuries, inflammation causes more harm than good when caused by internal stress, poor nutrition and emotional isolation. The body’s version of the Cold War, low level inflammation represents an unrelenting response to a potential threat. A sustained military buildup that increases physical pressure and stress, depletes resources, promotes anxiety, and creates pain, stiffness and fatigue. We can't pinpoint what's wrong; we only know something isn't right.

This low level inflammation links to both internal and external stressors. Internally, living in a state of fight or flight (and with deadlines, high or unrealistic expectations and conflicting messages- who isn't?), our body tenses shoulders, abdomens, or old injuries. After awhile, this restricts, irritates, pinches, numbs and leaves us feeling sore and tired. On a systemic level, feeling emotionally stressed and lonely inhibits our healing process while feeling relaxed and connected encourages it.

Externally, our poor choices (also a stress response), make things worse. Processed foods, lack of fiber, nutrients and adequate hydration, alcohol, over or under exercise, pharmaceuticals... all threaten our body's sense of health and well-being. This physical distress triggers whole body inflammation, contributing to specific diseases like cancer, diabetes, heart disease and other chronic illness. Ironically, reducing inflammation through fish oil and other healthy measures also reduce the stressors (like emotional eating or physical pain) that create inflammation. One healthy choice impacts the entire wellness cycle.

So, if fish oil reduces anxiety and inflammation in young, healthy college students, we might want to start keeping some next to our pain drugs and wine glasses.

References: Ohio State University (2011, August 1). Omega-3 reduces anxiety and inflammation in healthy students, study suggests. ScienceDaily. Retrieved October 10, 2011, from http://www.sciencedaily.com­ /releases/2011/07/110713121313.htm

Serenity....Seriously??

Photo Courtesy of Van Archiquette

..Serenity… is one of those terms that everyone romantically desires and as soon as we get it, we want to be doing something else. Isn’t it time to make dinner or something equally productive?

When I say …serenity… I always say it in a misty and mystical tone. Sometimes I wave my hands and wiggle my fingers gently to simulate their soft breezes. Serenity is one of those terms I laugh at, and have gotten myself into trouble over. And over. And over.

I laugh, not because serenity isn’t a very important part of psychological and physical health. Rather, many people use it as the only answer when life gets difficult. As if only speaking…serenity… will stop the neighbor from cutting his lawn at 7am. Serenity IS the answer, but, how do you get it? When thinking serene thoughts fail to make us feel better, many people turn to another nice phrase “just breathe”. Aren’t I doing that already? Why isn't it helping?

Serenity is a side-effect of wholly accepting ourselves as human beings- including our lack of serenity. The question remains, how do I do that? Although there are many ways, they usually come back down to a combination of compassion, empathy, insight and humor. Here's one of my own stories to help shed some light on the subject.

I laugh, a lot. And usually, very inappropriately. I have a good friend that would take my laughter very personally and get offended. At first, I would get irritated and defensive because I felt guilty for being insensitive to their feelings. I’d explain and apologize or pick a fight depending on my mood. When I realized that wasn’t getting me anywhere, and I valued the friendship, and seemed incapable of NOT laughing inappropriately (you know what it’s like when you try not to laugh…you laugh more!) I decided I had to do something different.

First, I decided that the benefits I received from the relationship were more important to me than the drawbacks and more important than proving to myself that I was right- which I was by the way. Then, I took the time to think about how I feel when I get offended and how much I dislike it. Armed with this knowledge, the next time, while laughing, I explained how I understood their point of view and didn’t mean to offend. Then, I explained how I wasn’t laughing to be hurtful, I was laughing because I felt good.

This had to happen several times. I had to recognize and remember their valid concern, try to control myself (which sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t) and explain why I was laughing (again) when they would be throwing the keyboard across the room in frustration because it would freeze up for some technological reason. After some time, I didn’t laugh so hard and they didn’t get so offended. Now we laugh together when either one of us gets frustrated, because, after all, it’s really funny to be a human being. We found…serenity…