Bad boy, bad boy...Watcha gonna do?

Did you ever fall in love with a bad boy (or girl), head over heels, crazy in your head in love...only to find out later on that they weren't strong and cool, they were insecure and scared? Come on, everyone's done it, or been it, at one time or another. Many of us were programmed to desire that external confidence and strength. No matter what the age, on one level or another, we're drawn towards it. 

What happens to those relationships, real or imaginary, when that bad person becomes strong enough to be vulnerable? Maybe we remember all the times we, as the "in love" person, flexed and adjusted to the others' whims. Or maybe waited (or not) for them to respond to our overtures. Was our "in love" really fear of being rejected? When that happened, when they shared their insecurities, did you eventually get angry, disillusioned, resentful? Perhaps suddenly we believed they were never good enough for us, and now they seem small and weak, hardly worth our time. "How could we be so stupid?" we ask ourselves, and proudly respond "That will never happen again!!". And we might not marry that personality type, but we still yearn for the tug and pull and excitement. "Maybe, maybe, maybe..."

Whether it be multi-million corporations, like Stark Electronics in Iron Man, or our spouse- when a formerly strong person shows their emotional weaknesses, we usually don't like them as much as we did, at first. Sure, in a movie, it's great. The boy and girl share their vulnerabilities and they live happily ever after. But in real life, when we've let ourselves be emotionally controlled by this apparent show of strength- perhaps investing money, time, our psyche, it's a big letdown when the object of our affection becomes multi-faceted, human, real. Showing weakness can be a kiss of death. That's probably why we walk around, afraid to ask for what we need and guarded against someone needing us.

But, who are the people, really, who show their weakness? Usually they're the ones who are comfortable with it. They feel strong enough that even if you took advantage of their soft spots, they would be okay. They aren't splashy or domineering with their strengths, rather, they've embraced their wholeness and are stronger for it. As a bonus, they are more sensitive, compassionate and caring about YOUR needs. They generally work harder, support more and are reliable. Hmmm.....

So, after the initial letdown and resentment, who do you want to love, to be in relationship with? The strong, silent type that makes you feel conflicted? Or the softer, yet rock solid personality. The one who embraces both their insecurities and strengths and has no problem expressing both. When the person you thought was powerful, starts to become weak....it's really a sign of strength. Are YOU strong enough to let them?