How To Get Your Needs Met

Have you recently given up something you needed or wanted for the good of someone else? Did you, at one time or another, hope a loved one would accommodate you and your needs and it didn't happen? Frustrating, isn't it? Here's a way to process through any natural irritation, resentment, anger and resignation and get what you need.

Julie Ann was planning a 3 day trip with her Significant. But then, he wanted to go to a house party during that same time, without her. In our minds, while reading this, many of us think, "okay, so what's the problem with that?" But when it happens to us, and it does, we may feel a variety of emotions from rejection, numbness and/or anger that our needs aren't getting met or because we feel blown off and unimportant. So how do we move through this energy and re-frame it so we can create the life and relationship we want?

First, let yourself be angry, hurt, whatever and stew about it for awhile to yourself. Julie Ann has monologues in her head where she says everything she's feeling. When an emotion is triggered, the body releases a cocktail of chemicals effecting our blood flow, energy level and ability to reason. When we deny this physical effect, it turns into headaches, stiffness and fatigue. All you can do is wait for the chemical to run it's course. Drinking water and having a healthy snack like fruit helps too.

When the emotion has leveled, somewhat, Julie Ann starts to question. She starts to remember how important this party is to her partner, their need to feel included, their need to feel independent. When this happens, in comes the depression and thoughts like, "Why don't my needs ever get met? Why am I always accommodating everyone else?" This time, she doesn't monologue in her head, she has a discussion where she says everything she's feeling on this emotional level and responds with her own innate wisdom. Wisdom like, "I often get what I want/need in life, I make sure of it." "I get a lot out of this relationship, understanding another's needs nurtures that." "There are many times they accommodate me and I don't even know it because they don't tell me."

After the internal discussion levels out Julie Ann's emotions, she starts to make alternate plans to get what she really wants and needs. For her, it's validation that she's important- which she gets by reflecting on positive memories, and time with her loved one- which she gets by suggesting a different event that works with both their schedules.

Relationships not only need compassion, they need grounded-ness to keep trying until we get what we need. When we respect but also look beyond our emotions, we find a way to create the life we want.