Serenity....Seriously??

Photo Courtesy of Van Archiquette

..Serenity… is one of those terms that everyone romantically desires and as soon as we get it, we want to be doing something else. Isn’t it time to make dinner or something equally productive?

When I say …serenity… I always say it in a misty and mystical tone. Sometimes I wave my hands and wiggle my fingers gently to simulate their soft breezes. Serenity is one of those terms I laugh at, and have gotten myself into trouble over. And over. And over.

I laugh, not because serenity isn’t a very important part of psychological and physical health. Rather, many people use it as the only answer when life gets difficult. As if only speaking…serenity… will stop the neighbor from cutting his lawn at 7am. Serenity IS the answer, but, how do you get it? When thinking serene thoughts fail to make us feel better, many people turn to another nice phrase “just breathe”. Aren’t I doing that already? Why isn't it helping?

Serenity is a side-effect of wholly accepting ourselves as human beings- including our lack of serenity. The question remains, how do I do that? Although there are many ways, they usually come back down to a combination of compassion, empathy, insight and humor. Here's one of my own stories to help shed some light on the subject.

I laugh, a lot. And usually, very inappropriately. I have a good friend that would take my laughter very personally and get offended. At first, I would get irritated and defensive because I felt guilty for being insensitive to their feelings. I’d explain and apologize or pick a fight depending on my mood. When I realized that wasn’t getting me anywhere, and I valued the friendship, and seemed incapable of NOT laughing inappropriately (you know what it’s like when you try not to laugh…you laugh more!) I decided I had to do something different.

First, I decided that the benefits I received from the relationship were more important to me than the drawbacks and more important than proving to myself that I was right- which I was by the way. Then, I took the time to think about how I feel when I get offended and how much I dislike it. Armed with this knowledge, the next time, while laughing, I explained how I understood their point of view and didn’t mean to offend. Then, I explained how I wasn’t laughing to be hurtful, I was laughing because I felt good.

This had to happen several times. I had to recognize and remember their valid concern, try to control myself (which sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t) and explain why I was laughing (again) when they would be throwing the keyboard across the room in frustration because it would freeze up for some technological reason. After some time, I didn’t laugh so hard and they didn’t get so offended. Now we laugh together when either one of us gets frustrated, because, after all, it’s really funny to be a human being. We found…serenity…