Focus on What You Want, Get What You Desire

Rewarded by a Great View

We work, pray, storyboard and just can’t grasp our dreams…the ideal job, spouse, children, life. What are your dreams? Do you push forward, at times feeling depressed and frustrated that you aren’t any closer to them…only to gracefully recognize you’re living your deeper fantasies of love, freedom, security, independence…?

What’s the old adage? When you stop looking, love appears? Not just in love, but in all sorts of things…Life seems to happen while we’re busy cutting the grass. The ubiquitous “They” rarely mention how to stop looking for what seems important- probably because “They” (read “We”) don’t know. Instead, “They/We” pontificate or jump to the law of attraction; if you obsess and have an “attitude of gratitude”, money falls from the sky. Joking…joking….   

At times, we all feel judgemental towards complaints, excuses, hippy-dippy fantasies or pride- we high-mindedly say the insensitive, thoughtless, selfish people think they’re entitled, are spoiled and should bare minimum, appreciate the largesse  (taxpayers, spouse, family) give them. Who doesn’t occasionally believe that about younger generations, other cultures, other sexes and whatever entitlement we ourselves don’t want/can’t have? And yet, isn’t that something we all do? Disregard, get distracted, rationalize…then feel guilty or misunderstood when it’s pointed out?

How many of us threatened or worse, lost something/one important through under-appreciation? Did we get busy? Feel justified? Forget? We’ve lost jobs, long-term relationships, time as well as the benefits of a paycheck, human connection, freedom. I believe the term is, “throw the baby out with the bathwater”; we’ve all lost dreams and opportunities. Haven’t we??

New age methods stress focusing on goals while older work ethics stress working for them. In the world we live…these simple panaceas forget an important element of success. Before age 6, we lock in our caretakers' values and expectations. Until mid-20’s, we interpret life through an immature mind. As we age, these patterns remain, carve deeper and if left unchecked, show up in our lives, our health, our children, our jobs, our relationships…We inherit more than DNA and furniture. How do you know what you deeply want and believe? Look at your life. Not only the symbols…the reality. If being financially rich depended on hard work and ingenuity, the women of Africa should be billionaires.

We chide people who desire something different in their life with the phrase “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” Gently shaking our heads as if to say, “we would never do that!” or frustrated with ourselves because we’ve lost something valuable “why can’t we just appreciate what we have?!” We get so focused on achieving goals, creating something amazing, we don’t pay attention to what we’re really creating, so focused on the symbols of success that we miss the reality of our success.

Here’s another point of view. In many circumstances, focusing on something else, is the perfect way to get what we want. When we also routinely remember to recognize and appreciate, the process work perfectly! The yearning, the striving the disappointment of NOT getting the SYMBOL of what we want, keeps us distracted and out of the way of manifesting what we REALLY want. How many people, after a long life, look back- realizing that they had a really good life, despite the so-called disappointments, failures and mistakes?

I keep emotionally complicated relationships and symbols in my life (job, friendships, the White Sox) as effective distractions- the striving for growth, the desire for closeness, the competitive spirit keeps me distracted enough to create a nice marriage. When we focus on something that doesn’t really matter, we usually manifest what matters most. Think long term, not necessarily in an hour. Consequently, our lives may look like disappointments, mistakes, failures…until we gracefully recognize the perfection. 

So, are you busy achieving, accomplishing, striving for the symbol of what you want; simultaneously creating the  freedom and connection you desire? Cool!

Finding Balance Through Acceptance

When a man is stimulated by his own thoughts, full of desire and dwelling on what is attractive, his craving increases even more. He is making the fetter even stronger. But he who takes pleasure in stilling his thoughts, practicing the contemplation of what is repulsive, and remaining recollected, now he will make an end of craving, he will snap the bonds of Mara. His aim is accomplished, he is without fear, rid of craving and without stain. He has removed the arrows of changing existence. This is his last body.  Buddha (563 - 483 BC)- Source: The Dhammapada Gautama Buddha / Translated by John Richards ,v.349, 350, 351 

Were you taught, like most everyone, that you must hold on to your emotions? As we joined spiritual  practices, maybe we were asked to get rid of fear and anger. Does it seem like the more we try to control what we feel- pulling it in or pushing it away, the more stressful our life gets and the less control we actually have?

Have you ever wondered what might happen if you sat quietly one day and let all of the conflicting emotions, beliefs and ideas express themselves in your head and heart- like a poorly written play or an unending monologue? Looked into your darkest corners and ugliest thoughts and found a way to express them? You may get nervous now, thinking of yourself or others who HAVE done that and it didn't fare well. Maybe you've forgotten when yourself or others found their genius instead.

Our ancestors know that unfelt and unexpressed emotions cause suffering. They also know that felt and expressed emotions guide (sometimes it takes a little while) towards wisdom and lasting happiness. The more we know ourselves, the more we know others, the more in control we naturally become. With experience after experience, we learn our preferred ways of feeling and expressing our emotions. Leading, to balance.

If you're scared, start small and treat it as an experiment. Try out different feelings and ways to express them: get into an argument, be kind, walk away, walk towards. Observe the short and long term results. It's fascinating to watch how every character, including ourselves, responds today and in the future depending on the mood, situation, phase of the moon or direction of the wind.

Healing Anger

Photo courtesy of Van Archiquette

What do we do when we get mad? What does it mean? Anger represents fertile ground for growth and change. We feel angry when we sense inner conflict; our perception contradicts our hopes or expectations. People get mad at us for the same reasons.

Anger represents looking our demons in the face; intensity implies powerful demons. When something or someone matters more than reason, we protect it with the strength of our wrath. The people who love us the most, feel the most hurt, and subsequently anger, when they fear losing that love. Temper also flares with perceived loss of  food, safety, love, self-esteem or self-awareness.  I'm not saying to put up with bad or abusive behavior- in ourselves or others. I am saying that our or others anger inspires insight.

Fury hounds us. It sits and waits in the back of our minds until we find peace within it. We may vent, however, after awhile life triggers our wrath again until we recognize our multi-faceted reality, realize emotions create life and allow love in- despite, and in many times because, of our humanity.

When you or someone you love gets angry, see it as it is- a journey towards grace that takes time to resolve. It signals inner conflict and strong emotion rather than indifference. For many of us, it means we care an awful lot or we would simply shrug and walk away.

Why do we behave so unkindly? Emotions narrow our vision and in anger, we have difficulty seeing past our mental desire to protect ourselves. Instead, we pass blame or try to change the situation through force. Discomfort opens a doorway into our core- our conflict between what we believe and what we want to believe. Our observer finds peace by viewing this discomfort with compassion and understanding.

In almost all cases, anger represents fear, anger stems from hurt and anger opens our subconscious to us. Maybe we're tired of only believing our fears and we're ready to also believe our dreams- irregardless of these transient, temporary emotions.

Lent- A Healthy Tradition For Everyone

With age and wisdom, we question childhood teachings and more mindfully choose what we believe.  After our first serious misfortune, we usually live more consciously.  For some people, this means changing religions, starting a new path or deepening their existing faith.

Many ancient religious practices, like Catholicism, encourage holistic wellness as part of their traditions. Lent, like many other ancient cleansing rituals, has perfect timing and plays an important role in modern well-being.

As a young Catholic, you usually learn the mechanics of Lent without understanding it's healthfulness. Not only physical health, but emotional, spiritual, community, energetic.... Unfortunately, when we move away from a religions politics, we also move away from well-planned  traditions, like Lent. Our emotional associations override objectivity towards these ancient traditions- we may throw the baby out with the bathwater.

If you're unfamiliar with this Catholic ritual, Lent symbolically re-creates the imprisonment/death/resurrection story which underlies Christianity. Catholics re-live their beliefs, in part, by sacrificing food, including red meat, an ingrained habit, their time and/or a few other life patterns. The spirit of Lent is change, renewal and self-reflection. It's well timed in spring; a season filled with energy, distraction and powerful reminders of rebirth.

For everyday Catholics, you fast (cleanses the body and inspires creative thought), give up red meat (a good idea), eat fish (another good idea), refrain from a bad habit for a few months (detoxifying and breaks the pattern), go to church more (supports reflection, meditation, change and community), see more purple (color therapy- encourages mindfulness)...and the list goes on.

Whatever your spiritual beliefs or non-beliefs, a renewal practice like Lent tunes up your body, mind, emotions, life, relationships, job...at a well suited time of year. It's framework encourages holistic health and happiness. How cool, we find tools for healthy, graceful living in all sorts of places.

Cleanse Like a Jedi Master

...with the MASTER CLEANSE. Ok. Maybe not like a Jedi Master, but I bet, like many spiritual practices, Yoda routinely cleansed his body to maintain his connection with the force. One of the oldies but goodies uses water, lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and salt. It's gentler on the system and customizable depending on your schedule.

Who? You can't escape it, even the Death Star gets polluted. Give your body a break and get a little tune-up. Check with your doctor, but this method comes from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... Seriously, this is a popular, natural and generally safe cleanse. Especially with a few modern adjustments.

What? The Lemon Juice Cleanse and/or the Master Cleanse. The easiest is a cup of water with the juice of 1-2 lemons (I warm it up and add honey) as part of your daily routine. The most complicated is a 10 day Master Cleanse which nutritionists don't recommend, (I supplement with veggie broth and healthy protein) as a meal replacement. Naturally, choose local and organic as much as is reasonable.

When? As part of your everyday morning routine (your body detoxes on it's own in the morning) or all day for 1-10 days. Keep a very light schedule when doing a 1-10 day cleanse. You may get tired, your body may ache, you may feel crabby (Woo-hoo! Let's cleanse!) Check out my earlier post, "Spring Cleaning Without The Flu-Like Symptoms" on ways to minimize the side effects.

Where?  Someplace comfortable, with a bathroom (visits increase), void of annoying Ewoks.

Why?  It's smart to push a reset button once in awhile and depending on your level of commitment, you may strengthen your immune system, increase your circulation, lower your pain, improve your digestion, have more energy, lose weight (although nutritionists debate whether or not you lose fat) and telepathically communicate with Luke Skywalker. Lemon for the detox, good water for the hydration, cayenne for the increased circulation, maple syrup for the calories and salt for the laxative. I prefer honey because of all the good stuff it has but avoid high fructose corn syrup, agave nectar, cane sugar or artificial sweeteners like the plague.

How? Make up a pitcher of the Master Cleanse in the morning. When you get hungry, have a glass. If you get really, really hungry, drink some organic almond or hemp milk- the fat triggers the satiated switch (or just use the force). If you're doing this for more than a few days, I highly suggest intermingling this with purified water, good quality veggie broth and a vegan source of protein or it becomes an unhealthy starvation diet. Don't forget your vitamins.

Opinions vary on duration. If you go more than a day or two, you want to mentally, physically and nutritionally prepare. For a week up to and a week afterwards take your vitamins and avoid hard to digest foods like fats, dairy, processed sugars, wheat and red meat. You can expect to feel a little lousy as your body/mind adjusts and the cells dump the equivalent of 1980's legwarmers into your bloodstream. I suggest working up to 10 days over time. This way, you educate yourself about how your body and family/friends react and can make smart choices regarding your health. This isn't the traditional Master Cleanse, however it's a nice blend which integrates current health and nutrition information.

The Jedi Cleanse Recipe (aka The Master Cleanse)

6 to 12 glasses a day of:

Juice of 1/2 a lemon (from real lemons)

2 tbsp maple syrup or honey

1/10 tsp cayenne pepper (or less, to the taste)

8 oz purified water

(Go organic when reasonable)

For an extra cleansing effect add:

1 teaspoon of unrefined non-iodized sea salt or epsom salt mixed with 25-35 ounces of water, 2x a day. Drinking this flushes your system and has a laxative effect, so stay near a bathroom.

Resources

http://mastercleansesecrets.com/step3.php

http://www.webmd.com/balance/natural-liver-detox-diets-liver-cleansing